Divorce and the clean slate

[prognastat]

Well, sadly my wife and I have agreed we need to start working towards divorce. It's sad, but not entirely unexpected due to irreconcilable differences in what we want out of life and our futures.

I'm going to try to use this as a clean slate though to cut down on unnecessary spending and start with the minimum I need and work up as necessary while trying to keep expenses low. Here's to hoping I can make it work.

[gocurrycracker]

Sorry to hear this, prognastat (also sorry for slow response, I wasn't reading forum posts while we were traveling.)

I had a similar mutual decision back in 2000. It sucked at the time, but provided a new / solid foundation for the life I have today.

I wish you the best, now and in the future.

Jeremy

[Frogdancer Jones]

There's definitely a happy life waiting after divorce.
It's an awful thing to have to go through in the short-term, and I don't think there's anyone who would say that they enjoyed it. It's heart-wrenching.
But if you've worked through everything that you can and you know that it isn't working, then divorce is the best thing. There's no point throwing good years after bad.
Good luck to both you and your wife. It's hard, but sometimes you have to go through hard times to appreciate the good times that come after.

[prognastat]

Thanks, I appreciate it(sorry for the slow response here too. Was actually away on a vacation myself)

It's unfortunate, but definitely for the best as we have been trying to work through things for years now and we are just unable to come to an agreement/compromise on some major life decisions.

Thankfully we both agree that it is best to move on rather than to keep trying to fix it at this point.

[Bunniwarrior]

Much love and peace to you and your wife Prognastat.  May the vision of your life develop the way you've imagined and hoped for.  <3

[prognastat]

Thanks, that's the hope. To at least get some positive out of something negative.

[prognastat]

Progress has been a little slower than hoped on this front.

The original plan was to have everything wrapped up by the end of 2018. However, as the last quarter of the year is a busy time for us both at work and of course the holidays themselves things are going slower than hoped. Currently we are waiting for the appraisal of our home to come back at which point we will be able to determine how we are splitting the finances, then we can get the paperwork written up and verified by a lawyer after which all that should be left is going before a judge to complete the process. The hope now is to have this done before the end of January.

[gocurrycracker]

Sending positive thoughts your way. I hope things go smoothly.

[prognastat]

Thanks, the appraisal was complete and there's a little smidge of schadenfreude in that I didn't want the appraisal and just wanted to go with the Zillow value despite me believing the actual value was higher than the Zillow value. My wife insisted on the appraisal because she believed the value was lower than the Zillow value. The appraisal ended up coming back about 4% higher than Zillow value.

We've come to an agreement as to how to split the finances given the house value and that'll be going to a lawyer to write up so we can go before a judge to have it all finalised. According to the lawyer it should be all done before February so that's nice.

[prognastat]

Well finally moved out this past weekend. Still working on the divorce though. The lawyer wrote up a first draft of the decree of divorce and once we have some questions answered either we can sign that or get a second draft to sign then we will have to go court and have a judge approve it.

I'm renting a bedroom near work. It's close to work. Only about 10 minute walk from my room to my desk which has been amazing, on a bicycle it's only about 6 minutes. I'm also going from a 3 bed 2.5 bath house for about 1500 a month in rent to a bedroom for 600 for rent and utilities included, so not only saving on not needing a car with it's costs but also saving on rent and utilities. At least once the divorce is final and we aren't technically paying for both the house and room.

[Jim]

Sounds like a fantastic new housing situation.  Virtually no commute, 60% reduction on monthly price (albeit different amenities) and utilities thrown in as well.  Is there a time frame of when the divorce will be finalized so you aren't paying for both rooms? I'm guessing it depends on how long it takes for the second draft to be done, right?

[prognastat]

Yeah, I'm very happy with the new living situation. Being single I don't have a need for a house by myself or even a full apartment. I would much rather be closer to work and spend less at this time. The new roommates have been very nice so far too.

Getting the second draft should only be a few days maybe a week, but then it sounds like getting in front of a judge will be a few more weeks which wasn't the impression we originally got. So all in all it's moving even further back and the estimate is not hopefully before end of February.

[prognastat]

and as of yesterday the divorce is final so now that chapter is pretty much closed and starting with this month I'll be able to shift my budgeting, income and expenses to personal ones rather than shared.

[gocurrycracker]

Sorry that you had to go through this all too common experience, prognastat.

Best of luck going forward.

[prognastat]

Thanks, I appreciate it. Although it's bittersweet I'm happy to finally be done with it and move forward with my own goals and life.

One thing that is nice is that I'm effectively FI now at my current minimum expenses with about 250k in NW and $700 a month in fixed expenses. Not that I will be quitting my job just yet as I'm wanting to have enough to FIRE with a house and probably enough to sustain a family rather than me being single. It's definitely a nice shift from not being close to even being FI at current expenses before the divorce.